The best thing you can do is BE SUPPORTIVE. Tell your friend you're concerned and listen to what she has to say.
• Do NOT criticize her for putting up with abuse or put down her boyfriend. Also, do not make her choose between the two of you. By attacking her or forcing her to choose, you will push her closer to him.
• Instead, help her to recognize that his behavior is wrong. Use this website as a resource. Show her the categories of control and how his behavior fits into those categories. Give her the web address so she can check it out herself.
** If your friend is not ready to leave the relationship, DO NOT make her feel guilty! There are many reasons a person stays in a violent relationship (Check out “Why Victims Stay”). It will be tough for your friend find the courage to end the relationship, and chances are that it will take some time. Don't get frustrated, she needs you more then she may know. The worst thing you can do is give up on her . **
Once your friend is ready to admit that she is putting up with abuse, recommend that she contact outside help. Remind her that while you are more than happy to listen, a trained professional will help her more than you can.
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline -- 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). This is a toll free hotline that is completely confidential and is available 24-hours a day, 365 days a year. For more information, check out the website: www.ndvh.org/index.html
• To contact the State Coalition Office nearest you, check out The Office on Violence Against Women webpage: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo/state.htm . Your State Coalition Office will be able to direct you to a crisis center in your county.
Your friend may be afraid to contact outside help. If so, offer to go to the school Counseling Center or local crisis center with her. She may feel more comfortable with you there.
If your friend has been physically or sexually abused, seriously threatened, or had her property destroyed, please CALL THE POLICE and report it.
• Contact the University Police--dial campus information for the number.
• Call the city police. For a listing of police stations nationwide, check out : www.usacops.com
If you witnessed any kind of abuse, including threats and destruction of personal property or physical and emotional abuse, you have a responsibility to intervene.
• Approach your friend the next day and tell him what you saw. Don't make him feel guilty, instead urge him to seek help.
• Contact the State Coalition Office nearest you: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo/state.htm . Your State Coalition Office will be able to direct you to a crisis center in your county.
• From there, contact the crisis center and ask about their Batterer's Intervention Program. Your friend needs to be taught that there is no excuse for abusive behavior.