Singer Jokes

(just a small smattering of the many available!)

Soprano Jokes

What's the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?

The lipstick.

What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her accompanist to do it.

What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?

About 10 pounds.

How is a soubrette different from a sewer rat?

Some people actually like sewer rats.

What is the difference between a soubrette and a cobra?

One is deadly poisonous, and the other is a reptile.

But which is which??

How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?

The horses seem very relieved.

What's the definition of an alto?

A soprano who can sightread.

How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye?

Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Alto Jokes:

What's the difference between an alto and a tenor?

Tenors don't have hair on their backs.

How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1. None. They can't get that high.

Tenor Jokes:

How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to bitch that they could have done it if they had the high notes.

How do you tell if a tenor is dead?

The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven't been touched.

What's the definition of a male quartet?

Three men and a tenor.

Did you hear about the tenor who announced that in the following season

he would only sing three title roles: Othello, Samson, and Forza del

Destino? (true story)

If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end, it would be a good idea.

Bass Jokes

How do you tell if a bass is actually dead?

Hold out a check (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic

clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).

How do you tell if a bass is dead?

1. What's the difference?

2. Who cares?