2005 Collegiate Nationals

The collegiate nationals were held in Baton Rouge Louisiana this year. The BSU squad had assembled 6 lifters to compete at the meet. There were more people on the team but 2 of them were already collecting social security checks and others were too weak for qualifying. The flight was as fun as a funeral, with only jokes of Schrock and Shauna keeping everyone amused.

The only lifter on Saturday was Hankins in the 132 class. His squats were shaky during testing and had my butthole puckered like a gay porno. He came through though with some good PRs especially in the deadlift. After his lifting, we took him to hooters for his favorite food, Beer.

Sunday started out good, but when you have people from the Isanogal center with duties, things tend to get screwed up fast. First, Shauna weighed in light, and then lost her attempt cards 10 minutes before the meet started like a total idiot. Pat and Schrock were both in the same flight, so running back and forth between a 2 platform meet was hectic. Schrock breath smelled like he brushed his teeth with a shit brick. Schrock folded under the pressure as always, and let a 4 month old rookie stomp his ass. Pat came out with a nasty 562 pull that was all balls.

The last of the old school lifters of the old tribe showed up for his final lifting performance under BSU. His squats were perfect, but judging was border line insane and it came down to the last squat, with each lift pushing him down a little further. On the last attempt Ware killed 501 and showed that he was a total head case when it comes to large weights. Welcome to the 500 club in squats and the 300lb club in bench Ware, I did that on squats my junior year in high school and benched that in 8th grade.

Shauna got PRs, but was more stress than babysitting five 3 year olds with access to spray paint and power tools. She came through on most lifts with the deadlift being the most impressive. Her strut to the bar was something out of a homosexual parade, which could explain the rainbow underwear with dick holes in em and massive skid marks.

All in all the judging was strict enough to bomb out Joe at the 275s. His bung hole was sore from the night before from heavy anal sex with no lube. 5 others followed his lead. Depth was an inch below parallel, but still too high for a national meet in the south. Hopefully Joe will come back next year and dominate the 275s.

After the meet Pat dropped kicked the wall in the hotel room like a Motley Crue after party, and got a Motley Crue hotel bill. Everyone on the team was drunk accept for the virgins, and Shauna was bossing people around like she won nationals or something. The flight home was an all Monday process, and it’s good to be home. Congratulations to everyone, and hope to see some lifters on the podium next year.

Coach Matt