Dear Charlie:

I have a few things. First of all, I think I may be suffering from some sort of depression. I am usually a very happy person and to others who see me think that I am always happy and have everything going my way. Unfortunately, I do not feel that way sometimes. Out of the blue I will get upset or bothered by something very small and then not be able to function right for a certain amount of time. There have been countless nights where I have stayed up just very upset and not having any idea as to why. I am bothered and frustrated with people very easily even though I will not express this and I tend to hold others to a higher standard then myself. This is especially so for the people close to me. I can never talk to my friends about the way I feel because I am always very embarrassed and will not understand. I feel like I help out my friends a lot when they are feeling down but never get it in return. When I was younger I used to completely shut down and I am afraid that it is coming back. I know it sounds stupid because I really do have a lot going for myself and that is why I am so confused. I am sitting here right now at 4:30 in the morning completely stressed out and down for no reason it seems like. Secondly, I read on here a lot and for most people, I feel like there are other people who can relate to these things and maybe have gone through the same things in the past that may be able to also give advice as to how they got through there hard times. I think that it could be very beneficial if there were some way other people could reply to questions asked. I know that some people could abuse this privilege and write obscure things, but there could be a way to send them into you first and then you post the ones that could be helpful. It may really boost someone's morale to hear from others and to have encouragement from peers.

Signed:  Confused

Dear Confused:

Charlie hears that you are feeling very sad and confused right now. You describe feeling  easily upset by things and sound like you are very critical of yourself.   You also report   that these feelings you have keep you up at night and, sometimes, interfere with your functioning. While these are difficult feelings to have and deal with, Charlie does have some hope and help to offer you.

While you say it sounds "stupid" to worry about completely shutting down again, Charlie hopes you hear this is a very understandable worry. Once you have felt like that, it makes sense not to want to feel that badly again. Charlie thinks you sound very insightful for recognizing the risk of "shutting down" before it happens.  And, Charlie hopes you will take steps to prevent yourself from feeling that badly again.

There are several things you might try to help yourself cope with the stressors and sad mood.  First, you note that you are pulling away from others and that you feel embarrassed to ask for help. Charlie hears a "double standard" in which you willingly help your friends but have a harder time requesting help for yourself.  Charlie encourages you to consider how it makes you feel when a friend reaches out to you for assistance. It probably makes you feel valued, good, and trusted. By you asking a friend for help, you will be providing your friend with that same experience: your friend will feel valued, trusted and good that you chose him or her to confide in.  Sometimes that can help with these double standards we all set for ourselves.

You also mention feeling irritated by things others do but yet you do not talking about those things.   It can be intimidating to imagine letting our friends know when we feel irritated by something they did that bothers you.  Here are a few tips that might help.   First, use "I statements" to let your friend know how you are feeling. Then, comment specifically on behaviors and be careful not to make generalizations. For example, if your roommate plays loud music early in the morning while you are trying to sleep, you might say something like, "I feel frustrated when you play music loudly early in the morning. I understand that we have different schedules but how can we compromise on this?"

To help with sleep, Charlie encourages you to try some sleep hygiene techniques. For example, listen to quiet, peaceful music to help you fall asleep. The Counseling Center has relaxation MP3 downloads that may help and are available at:  http://www.bsu.edu/students/cpsc/stress/ .  It can also help to set up a bedtime routine, which will help you "train" your body to unwind and get ready to sleep. When you do go to bed, if you are awake for more than 20 minutes, Charlie encourages you to get up and do something that will not reinforce you for being awake. For example, you might journal, sit on a chair and read a chapter of a book that's not too engrossing, meditate, or practice visualization (imagine a peaceful scene with all of your senses: what do you see, hear smell, feel, etc.) 

Finally, Charlie encourages you to consider coming to the Counseling Center (320 Lucina Hall, 285-1736)  to learn additional ways to cope with your feelings.  Your counselor can help you identify triggers for your mood, work through the double standard/higher expectations you hold for yourself, and find additional coping strategies. You also mention wishing for some way to hear that others may experience similar struggles as you. This is a great idea and the Counseling Center has a service for this. You can ask your counselor about our Group Counseling program. In a group, you can share your concerns,  hear how others have dealt with similar problems, and offer what's worked for you in the past. Charlie hopes you will challenge yourself to seek some assistance…you deserve to feel supported.

Charlie