Dear Charlie:

I am very concerned with the way I handle things. I feel like I am completely stressed out all of the time and that I am never productive. I have no motivation to do things that I used to like doing. I worry about everything so much at times that I find myself staring off into nothing for an hour pissed/upset/nervous/etc... I do not know what it is but it really bothers me. My mom and her dad both suffer from depression and anxiety. I have had to deal with my mom for years and still to this day I believe it makes my situation worse. It is hard for me to explain how I feel but these are a few different things: - I worry about everything in unhealthy amounts - I feel as if I am not the person that I should be - I become extremely agitated with people over the littlest things - I can never explain myself - I go for long periods of times refusing to talk to people and being unhappy - I am very self-conscience even tho I have a lot going for me - Nobody knows who I really am including myself - I get very stressed out about my future and think that I am worthless - I do not feel like I am a good person and I will worry about things I have done long before - I refuse to do anything about my problems even though deep down I really want to - my mood can go from being extremely happy to being in the extreme dumps with a snap of a finger - I can not forget people's mistakes for long periods of times - I continue to do things that I know are not right and then feel miserable afterwards for long periods of time - and I will sit and worry about things that are totally out of my control to the point where I just explode I know that was a long list and I apologize and I am just so confused as to what is going on with me. My mind races and I can not focus on anything unless it is something that has made me upset. I just want to know what is wrong.

Signed:  blah

Dear Blah:

Wow, this is quite a list! It seems that everywhere you look, you feel as if you aren't responding appropriately to yourself or others. Charlie is concerned about how harshly you describe yourself. As you noted, you have a family history of depression and anxiety. It could be possible that your struggles are less about your character as a person and more about having a legitimate anxiety and/or mood disorder. You describe several symptoms that are characteristic of generalized anxiety such as excessive worry, including worry about personal inadequacy that you can't control, lack of confidence in ability to problem solve, distress associated with uncertainty about the future, feeling keyed up and/or restless, difficulties with concentration, irritability, and physical symptoms such as nervousness and muscle tension. Often times this kind of anxiety is so pervasive in one's life that it can cause depression. In fact, research suggests that individuals with anxiety have a high rate of co-occurring depression. The bottom line to all of this is that your life is being negatively affected in several areas and because of this, Charlie's best advice is to seek counseling.

From what you have said, it sounds as if you have tried to "buck up." Charlie hopes that you can find permission within yourself to ask for help. Research studies indicate that treatment for anxiety and depression is effective. So, rather than chide your self for failing in your efforts at self help.  Charlie recommends seeking professional help from the counselors at the Counseling Center (285-1736). Counseling is free and confidential for BSU students. Further, anxiety and depression are the two top concerns for which students enter counseling. You might consider medication treatment as an option because it has been shown to be effective as well. At the very least, a face to face consultation with a counselor could help you explore more definitely whether you have an anxiety and/or depressive disorder.

In addition to therapy, there are some strategies that could be helpful. These strategies tend to focus on relaxation and controlling the worry. The Counseling Center website has downloadable MP3 files that are designed for relaxation. These are likely to help you learn to control your breathing, reduce muscle tension, or help you learn to gain a sense of peace when stressed. A second strategy is to learn how to talk positively and/or learn how to reassure one's self that you will be okay in the future. This strategy is often hard because individuals believe that worrying helps to produce a desired outcome. However, paradoxically, worry tends to have the opposite effect, i.e., reducing the likelihood of a good outcome.  Finally, any good distraction can help. People tend to think that they can stop worrying by telling themselves to stop. However, telling oneself to stop worrying tends to increase worry. What works is to engage your mind in an alternative activity such as reading an interesting book or seeing a captivating movie. These distractions cause one to "set aside" worry and at the very least, get a break from the worry.

The last comment Charlie wants to make is in relation to your social network/support. You seem to be isolating yourself from friends instead of reaching out to those who care about you. Whatever the reason, this is not helpful.  As human beings, we all need to feel cared about and understood by others. Your friends and/or family members care about you and probably would want to know if you were struggling. Having depression and anxiety can be very isolating and lonely. Even just a little social support can go a long way. Charlie hopes that you can somehow find the resolve within yourself to engage socially with others in meaningful ways.   For this reason, the Counseling Center offers group therapy as another treatment option.  It is therapeutic to share your personal struggles with others who can express understanding and care.

You deserve to feel better,

Charlie