Dear Charlie:

I dated this guy on and off for 3 years. Now he is with another girl and refuses to talk to me. I've been completely depressed since his refusal to talk to me. I keep having thoughts of hurting myself and have attempted to cut/burn my wrists. Tonight i was very upset and could not stop crying. I took about ten pain pills hoping to ease the pain. I'm keep scaring myself with my actions. What should i do, i don't want to hurt anymore?

Signed: hurting

Dear Hurting:

Charlie is sorry to hear that someone who is important to you is now with someone else and refuses to talk with you. Charlie is also very concerned about the thoughts you are having of hurting yourself, the depression you describe and especially the pain pills you have taken. Charlie understands that the pain is great and you don't want to hurt anymore and is glad you are asking for help. Given the level at which your depression seems to be and the fact that you are "scaring yourself" and that you are in danger of harming yourself, Charlie strongly recommends that you immediately come in and talk with a counselor at the Counseling Center. There is always a counselor available to students who are in crisis. From 8:00 to 5:00, Monday through Friday, a counselor is available at the Counseling Center and after hours students can call 747-7330 to speak with a counselor. Their services are free, professional, and confidential. If you feel as though you can remain safe you can call  (285-1736) and make an appointment for the next available intake. Another good step for you would be to receive a medication evaluation from the consulting psychiatrist at the Counseling Center.

It is normal to grieve the loss of an important relationship but it sounds like your grief is interfering with your ability to function. Charlie wants you to know that the nature of grief is up and down and occurs over a period of time. It is important to take the time to accept the reality of your loss, experience the pain of separation from your boyfriend and recognize other related losses, such as unfulfilled wishes, dreams and expectations of your life with your boyfriend, all which can move you forward in the process of grieving. However, when grief becomes overwhelming, a counselor can help you find ways to grieve and cope in healthy ways and can do an assessment for symptoms of depression.

Depression is a disturbance in mood that affects people in many ways. The symptoms of depression include: sadness, difficulty finding pleasure in life, feelings of hopelessness and/or worthlessness, a lack of interest in things you usually enjoy, difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, a loss of appetite or increased appetite, inability to concentrate, impaired memory, fatigue and a lack of energy, digestive problems, difficulty getting things done and suicidal thoughts. Often depression is brief and has minimal effects on normal, everyday activities but can be more severe when it begins to interfere with daily functioning.

In closing, Charlie hopes that you hear that what you are feeling is important and there is help available. Please know there are people who care and are willing to help.

To safety and healing,

Charlie