It is unfortunate that I must inform you all that I will not be able to attend the electoral summit tonight at 7:30 to 9:30 pm in AJ 175. Please withhold your cascading tears, I will not need them where I am going, for tonight my class is filming in the arena for our semester project in that exact time frame. Lest you believe I find you much less important than my academics (I do, but that's not what's important), I'm currently in talks with the much less popular Robert De Niro to portray me in my stead. They're not going well. As such, I believe it is prudent to present my campaign for adminship here in lieu of my presence among you.

Why do I wish to be Humans Versus Zombies Administrator? That's irrelevant. I submit that some questions do not have an answer. If all the questions in the world had answers, then at a certain point in time human curiosity will have uncovered them all, and when we reach that point what will be the purpose of existence? With nothing left in the universe to discover, human life would lie stagnant and meaningless, creating a bland and lifeless world in which the only recourse would be suicide. I try my best not to indulge human curiosity and drive us further toward the inevitable abyss, but alas, in some cases I must. So I shall answer the only important question in this entire election.

How do I intend to run a game of Humans Versus Zombies? Short answer, I do not. As far as I am concerned the best and most memorable moments of this game are never staged. I hold that it is not the administration's job to put on a play or attempt to corral people into acting out the scenarios they invent in their minds. Such attempts are restricting. No, the engine that drives the game is the creativity and ingenuity of the players themselves. It is the administration's duty to construct the playground in which they can exercise their collective cleverness. However, I don't actually give a shit about any of this so every mission will be to run out and get me booze and womens, for I shall require both.

So enjoy your summit my friends, and do not mourn my absence, for I will be offering personal press conferences to be held in your bedroom with a few glasses of chardonnay and an Isaac Hayes mixtape. I will need payment in advance and will leave immediately in the event of eye contact. If you do not have my number you can summon me by bellowing the phrase 'me encanta el pene' into the howling winds under the midnight sky. It is because of this that I wish to be listed on the ballot under my pen name 'El Scorcho de la Noche', and I will be content with no less.

Good night, and godspeed.

-Herzog



{P.S. My offer of giraffe pictures through PMs is still active. It is the one campaign promise I intend to fully deliver upon in a timely fashion. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5tqAbrZeX0

This is the greatest thing ever.

the greatest candidate who never was...

I'm glad you did this. I needed a good giggle night.

Edit: at Sabo (didn't see bot-post above)